Bein' a Berean
…outside the box but inside God's Word...
One of the most fearsome scriptures spoken by Jesus is that recorded in Matthew 7:22-23:
On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ Then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; go away from me, you who behave lawlessly.’ (NRSVue)
What is the relationship between being ‘known’ by Jesus and behaving lawlessly?
My sheep listen to my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish; no one will snatch them from my hand. John 10:27-28 (NET)
The ears of sheep hear everything as a matter of self-protection. Jesus does not mean the sheep ‘hear’ only. The inference is that of all the sounds around them, His sheep distinguish and respond to His voice, which means they hear and obey His voice. Those who hear but ignore Him, his laws, are not His sheep. He does not know them.
Jesus answered them, “I tell you the solemn truth, everyone who practices sin is a slave of sin. The slave does not remain in the family forever, but the son remains forever… You people are from your father the devil, and you want to do what your father desires. John 8:34-35, 44 (NET)
God, through Paul, shares with us the principle behind our gender specific fallen natures:
Do you not know that…, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? Romans 6:16 (NASB)
Only obedience results in righteousness. The rebellious refusal to obey betrays our actual lineage. Those of the family of Christ do not knowingly, habitually, sin.
Do the events of mankind’s “fall into sin” (hereafter the ‘Fall’) and the drive to disobedience have any stronger influence on women than on men? Does the Bible support modern teaching that both sexes share equally the consequences of that Fall, or is one gender in greater danger?
Proposition
As he enticed Eve into obedience, Satan, via the voice of world systems, continues to deceive. Jesus’ admonition regarding the end times was that we be diligent not to be deceived (Matthew 24:4).
It may be that the Bible attributes a greater effect of and responsibility for the Fall on women than we today acknowledge. If true, it would benefit us all to be aware and to counter those effects, with the result that both would experience more joy in life together.
It is within the fallen nature not to accept blame, as evident in both their initial response to God’s confrontation.
And the woman replied, “The serpent tricked me, and I ate.” Genesis 3:13 (NET)
The man said, “The woman whom you gave me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it.” Genesis 3:12 (NET)
It is always in our best interest to accept responsibility for what we have done or become.
If a counsellor tells you that within you is the cause of your anger, lack of joy, and relationship difficulties with your husband. Would you be willing to discover that root, or would you respond, “It’s not me, it’s my husband. If you can fix him, then my problems will be over.”
While it’s generally accepted that both sexes carry a measure of the blame for relationship failures, does God’s word tell us that?
This writing aims to clarify the depth and extent of the issues that each gender faces, in the hope that clarity will aid in our spiritual growth and sanctification.
Discussion
I believe God intended marriage to be an introduction to heaven on earth, overrun with joy and delight in each other. Sadly, we were robbed of the experience by our disobedience.
God’s specialty is redemption, hinging on our obedience.
There are many thoughts, opinions, and contentions on the marriage relationship; however, there are some basic, irrefutable and scriptural points arrived at by simply reading the text:
As I expand on these points, it is my hope that this work clarifies God’s perspective on women. While the husband is given the mandate to rule over his wife, it remains God’s role to parent both the man and his wife. At the same time, God wants the man to love, treat, and relate to his wife in the same way or degree that the man loves himself. It’s also not the man’s duty to subjugate his wife; that’s for her to do to herself in obedience to the Lord. The husband and the wife are to obey God’s directive as though God were the spouse. They were obligated to do so, regardless of the other's failure to do so.
Should we habitually fail the obligation God has placed on us, we may find ourselves experiencing the Father’s discipline and ourselves growing weak, sick, or possibly in the ‘big sleep’ (1 Corinthians 11:30). This discipline is not the loss of our salvation, but a progressive loss of joy, peace, and an abundant life while still on earth until or unless we repent of our rebellion.
For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft… 1 Samuel 15:23 (NKJV)
Since all the law and the prophets can be summed up in the two commands—loving God above all and your neighbour as yourself—it can be deduced that relationships are important to God.
The difficulties between a husband and a wife are not unique to our times. In the following verses, God lays the difficulties in marriage relationships primarily on the hard-heartedness of women.
It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 21:9 (NASB).
It is better to live in the desert than with a nagging, irritable wife. Proverbs 21:19 (CJB).
It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Proverbs 25:24 (NASB).
Proverbs 12:4 (NASB) An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones.
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain, and a contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand. Proverbs 27:15-16 (NASB).
Were husbands/men not considered equally culpable?
Our Fall into sin was an event of such magnitude that the only solution was for God to sacrifice His life to undo its effects and consequences on our lives and relationships.
Does the Bible teach that these effects are equal and/or identical for the man and the woman? Were both the man and the woman equally responsible and affected by their actions? Were they both present and culpable? There is support for the position that the words ‘with her’ are not in the best texts, i.e., he was not present to witness the dialogue between the woman and the ‘serpent’ and did, by his silence, consent. The serpent approached the women, not both of them. The woman was in dialogue with the serpent. The man could have been ‘with’ as in nearby and not a party to, nor within hearing of, their conversation.
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, and he ate. Genesis 3:6 (RSV).
Some versions read that Adam was ‘with her.’ But the Aramaic word here has been used with many meanings, including ‘near’ and ‘among. ’ Scripture assigns greater culpability for the fall onto the wife than onto the husband. This is also evident in the differing severity of God’s judgment against them.
And it was not Adam who was deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 1 Timothy 2:14.
Being the one deceived was highlighted as being significant.
Culturally, throughout the OT and into the NT, the status of women is subordinate to that of men. The disciples were surprised to see Jesus talking to a woman at the well:
At this point His disciples came, and they were amazed that He had been speaking with a woman, yet no one said, “What do You seek?” or, “Why do You speak with her?” John 4:27 (NASB)
We note, too, that Moses, Deuteronomy 24:1, permits a man to divorce his wife if he finds something indecent in her. The reciprocal is not mentioned.
If a man marries a woman and she does not please him because he has found something indecent in her, then he may draw up a divorce document, give it to her, and evict her from his house. Deuteronomy 24:1 (NET).
This is often brushed over as a cultural oversight. Perhaps it is not.
For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Matthew 5:18 (NASB).
This theme recurs throughout Paul’s writings in the New Testament.
The women are to keep silent in the churches; for they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the Law also says. If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is improper for a woman to speak in church. 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 (NASB)
The Bible appears to use a firm hand in its dealings with women. Is it archaic cultural residue which we today can ignore, or does God have a purpose which undoubtedly includes loving benefits for women?
If women are particularly affected by Eve’s part in the Fall, it may not be cultural residue; therefore, brushing it off would do wives the injustice of failing to identify the root of a significant problem and the added responsibility and effort on their part to remedy it.
The firm hand continues as Jesus explains why Moses, i.e. God’s Law, permitted the man to divorce his wife, while the reciprocal is not mentioned:
Jesus said to them, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts, but from the beginning it was not this way. Matthew 19:8.
Churches today teach that divorce is only permitted in cases of adultery; however, in Jesus’ day, both adulterers were to be stoned, and divorce was not necessary. Interesting that the Greek word for “hardness of heart” is in the feminine form, which may be translated as ‘hardness of her heart.”
σκληροκαρδία (sklērokardia); feminine of a compound…; hard-heartedness… per Strong’s Dictionary.
This agrees with Deuteronomy, where the indecency was identified in the woman.
If a man marries a woman and she does not please him because he has found something indecent in her, then he may draw up a divorce document, give it to her, and evict her from his house. Deuteronomy 24:1 (NET)
Did God intentionally suggest that hard-heartedness is confined to women? Was God, through Moses, describing some untoward character quality, which the woman might be too stubborn to change?
How does this affect the life, well-being and relationships of women today? “From the beginning” indicates that before the Fall, hardness of heart was not evident. Both the man and the woman were created to serve.
Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. Genesis 2:15 (NASB).
Mankind was created to serve, to cultivate, all that God created.
But the greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted. Matthew 23:11-12, Mark 9:35, 10:43, Luke 22:26 (NASB).
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, Philippians 2:5-7 (NASB).
Service is the lynch pin of life within the Kingdom of God before the Fall and afterward. It is the quality which the serpent sought to destroy in tempting the woman in Eden. It represents the missed mark that defines the word sin.
but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. Genesis 2:20-22 (NASB).
For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake. 1 Corinthians 11:8-9 (NASB)
Before the Fall, the woman was created to be a suitable helper/companion to the man. The animals had counterparts or complementary genders with which to associate and procreate. Up to this point, that was not the case for the man. The pre-fall woman was created with a purpose which related to the man’s purpose.
Wives should submit to their husbands as they do to the Lord; Ephesians 5:22 (CJB).
Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18. (NASB).
Throughout the Old Testament, and especially as it relates to Israel’s history, the husband-wife role followed the model of the wife acting in submission, as presented in the New Testament. This is probably due to a strong adherence to the Genesis account/model.
With the Gentiles’ inclusion into the Body of Christ, social and cultural norms that differ from God’s word require repeated admonition of the ideal roles. The words for ‘submit' and ‘be subject’ are in the imperative tense, meaning they are commands requiring obedience.
Because the Father has promised to discipline those who are his, I wonder how many wives evidence His discipline where they fail to obey His word in respect to their relationship to their husbands? Does God turn a blind eye when those who claim to be His mistreat others? When Paul addressed those in Corinth who were mistreating others participating in the Lord’s Supper, he concluded:
"For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number sleep." 1 Corinthians 11:30
There are consequences when our all-seeing Father finds us disobeying His word in our interaction with other children of His, be they our spouse or others within the Body. We are admonished to examine ourselves to avoid that discipline.
When the wine ran out, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no wine left.” Jesus replied, “Woman, why are you saying this to me? My time has not yet come.” John 2:3-4 (NET).
Was it demeaning or disrespectful for Jesus to address his mother as ‘woman’ rather than mother? Was Jesus admonishing her for an attempt to control the timing or to direct his role/actions?
For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God… Genesis 3:5 (NASB).
Being like God was the benefit that the serpent offered the woman for eating the forbidden fruit. It was offered as an antidote to a life of service to her man. This was Satan’s downfall, being too proud of his beauty and status (traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder) to serve mankind.
Are they not all ministering spirits, sent out to render service for the sake of those who will inherit salvation? Hebrews 1:14 (NASB).
Satan offered the woman a solution.
When the woman saw that the tree produced fruit that was good for food, was attractive to the eye, and was desirable for making one wise, she took some of its fruit and ate it. Genesis 3:16.
The woman was aware of God’s command and was not swayed by the logic of obedience, but by the visual stimulation and personal advantage it offered, which would make her wise.
Their first reaction was a new self-awareness or self-consciousness that drove them to cover themselves. Their second reaction was to separate themselves from the God who loved them. He then responded to their disobedience.
To the woman he said, “I will greatly increase your labor pains; with pain you will give birth to children. You will want to control your husband, but he will dominate you.” Genesis 3:16 (NET, NLT).
The woman obeyed the serpent.
God’s response to the woman’s action was to modify her biology to increase her pain in labour and childbirth and inform her of a new inclination to control her husband. The imperative was God’s declaration that her husband would be her head, “but in a way that emphasizes powerful control, domination, or mastery,” per Strong’s Dictionary. God here established Patriarchy.
But to Adam he said, “Because you obeyed your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ the ground is cursed because of you; in painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. Genesis 3:17 (NET).
The man’s sin was that he obeyed his wife.
I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man…. 1Timothy 2:12.
Allowing a woman to exercise authority over a man, if the personality disorder assimilated at Eden still drives domination, would be tantamount to serving alcohol to a reformed addict—best avoided with all diligence. Many see this restriction on teaching and authority as a male dominance rather than an act designed to avoid triggering an addiction and destroying any progress the Holy Spirit has made in putting to death a fallen, sinful nature. Nothing should be more important to us than that we be transformed into the image of Jesus. Resisting this transformation feeds the fallen nature.
But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. 1Timothy 2:15.
The experience of childbirth, with its pain, followed by the years of selfless service to the child, could represent a measure of healing to the nature the woman received at the Fall. The word translated as ‘saved’ can also mean ‘healed.’ This translation better fits Paul’s intention. Those in counselling services recognize that real personality change follows a ‘significant emotional event.’ The childbirth experience can be that event. Unfortunately, churches today do not realize this or its significance in a woman’s sanctification. Those without the experience of childbirth will require greater diligence in faith, love, and holiness, as well as self-control.
It’s also possible that the condition, Postpartum Depression, that some experience may be evidence of the conflict a woman experiences between the desire to control and the inclination to serve this helpless newborn baby. If true, an awareness of this root may provide the first step to enlightenment for resolution.
Too often are women depicted in scriptures as evil:
Again [the angel] said, “This is their appearance in all the land (and behold, a lead cover was lifted up); and this is a woman sitting inside the ephah.” Then he said, “This is Wickedness!” And he threw her down into the middle of the ephah and cast the lead weight on its opening. Then I lifted up my eyes and looked, and there two women were coming out with the wind in their wings; and they had wings like the wings of a stork, and they lifted up the ephah between the earth and the heavens. I said to the angel who was speaking with me, “Where are they taking the ephah?” Then he said to me, “To build a temple for her in the land of Shinar; and when it is prepared, she will be set there on her own pedestal.” Zechariah 5:5-11 (NASB)
But I have this against you, that you tolerate the woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophetess, and she teaches and leads My bond-servants astray so that they commit acts of immorality and eat things sacrificed to idols. I gave her time to repent, and she does not want to repent of her immorality. Behold, I will throw her on a bed of sickness, and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation, unless they repent of her deeds. And I will kill her children with pestilence, and all the churches will know that I am He who searches the minds and hearts; and I will give to each one of you according to your deeds. Revelation 2:20-23 (NASB)
he one hundred and forty-four thousand who … have not been defiled with women, for they have kept themselves chaste.Revelation 14:3-4 (NASB) t
“Come here, I will show you the judgment of the great harlot who sits on many waters, with whom the kings of the earth committed acts of immorality, and those who dwell on the earth were made drunk with the wine of her immorality.” Revelation 17:1-2 (NASB)
“Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great! She has become a dwelling place of demons and a prison of every unclean spirit, and a prison of every unclean and hateful bird. Revelation 18:2 (NASB)
I would sooner keep house with a lion or a dragon than keep house with a spiteful wife.
A woman's spite changes her appearance and makes her face as grim as a bear's.
When her husband goes out to dinner with his neighbours, he cannot help heaving bitter sighs.
No spite can approach the spite of a woman, may a sinner's lot be hers!
Like the climbing of a sandhill for elderly feet, such is a garrulous wife for a quiet husband.
Do not be taken in by a woman's beauty, never lose your head over a woman.
Bad temper, insolence and shame hold sway where the wife supports the husband.
Low spirits, gloomy face, stricken heart: such is a spiteful wife.
Slack hands and sagging knees: such is the wife who does not make her husband happy.
Sin began with a woman, and thanks to her we must all die.
Do not let water find a leak, nor a spiteful woman give free rein to her tongue.
If she will not do as you tell her, get rid of her. Sirach 25:16-26 (NJB Apocrypha).
Designed to serve, but deceived to dominate?
Satan, via the world’s influence, continues to deceive women into believing that they can rule like god. By fulfilling his desires, rather than those God teaches in the Bible, women have placed themselves on the road to misery and away from the joy, peace and abundant life that the only true God wants to give us through Jesus.
It’s in Jesus’s nature to serve. “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who… emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant…” Philippians 2:5-7 (NASB). Our objective is to serve our spouse in the way that God designed.
A husband serves his wife by leading, protecting, loving, and treating her as he would treat himself. He invites his wife’s input in decisions without any obligation to follow it.
A wife serves her husband by surrendering to his leadership, respecting his authority, and fulfilling his companionship needs. When God writes, “he will rule over you,” it signifies that the husband makes the rules.
It’s our goal to cultivate that attitude as our natural disposition.
It is in a woman’s fallen nature not to serve, but to want to be served as a ruler. In the absence of a Spirit-softened heart, the woman houses an evil nature which surpasses that found in the man. Until that softening, an awareness of that nature, and a yearning to be free, she cannot cooperate with the Spirit to start change.
When we know God, we gain the assurance that by obeying Him, we lose nothing but gain more than we can imagine.
Marriage becomes an opportunity to develop Jesus’ character in us through service and to crucify that nature which seeks to be served.
With each selfless act of service—performed without seeking recognition—take a moment to feel or sense the love of Father flowing into your spirit.
© 2025, Steve Bydeley.
All publishing rights reserved. Permission is herewith granted to reprint this article for personal use and to link or refer to it; however, no commercial re-publishing of the material in this article is permitted without prior written consent.
Steven is the author of Fathered by God and, with his wife Dianne, co-author of Dream Dreams and Dreams that Heal and Counsel. They have been featured as guests on the Miracle Channel, Trinity Television, and Crossroads Communication, and have taught various topics internationally.
Without Prejudice. © 2025, Steven., house of bij de Leij., of man.
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