Bein' a Berean
…outside the box but inside God's Word...
There is a lot of unnecessary, guilt-laden teaching on divorce and remarriage, mostly due to a misunderstanding of Scripture as a result of poor translation.
Our understanding of divorce and remarriage must align with all Scripture, including the fact that Moses permitted divorce and placed a restraint on a particular aspect of remarriage.
When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled. (Deuteronomy 24:1-4 NASB unless noted)
Notice that divorce is permitted in this scripture, it is described as a three-step process. It is the husband who divorces the wife by writing a 'certificate of divorce', putting it into her hand, and sending her away. God permits divorce and remarriage when the proper steps are taken. This could be considered a two-step process if worded as giving her a certificate of divorce, followed by separation.
He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives." (Matthew 19:8)
Jesus admitted that the Old Testament Law permitted divorce.1 He gives us the one reason why it is permitted: hardness of heart, i.e., a stubborn unwillingness to change. Jesus' Greek word for 'hardness of heart' is feminine, which aligns with Deuteronomy's focus on the wife as the cause. A careful examination of the Bible shows that Eden's fall affected women more than men.
We do well to carefully handle God's word in keeping with what Jesus said, "Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven"2 and that He had not come to "abolish the Law or the Prophets...but to fulfill."3
Annulling any part of the Law, including telling people they cannot divorce or remarry, would incur the consequences of Jesus' warning.
According to God's Law, and so in Jesus' time, divorce proceedings were not necessary when adultery was confirmed.
"If there is a man who commits adultery with another man's wife, one who commits adultery with his friend's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death." (Leviticus 20:10)
“Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?” (John 8:4-5)
Since adulterers are stoned, not divorced, saying that the Bible only permits 'divorce' when adultery is confirmed is a blatant mishandling of Scripture.
How, then, do we understand Matthew 5:31-32:
"...anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery."
Unlike English, Biblical Greek is an exacting language. The words used are chosen with intent. For example, Greek uses five specific words that depict different aspects of our word for "love." Phrases like "making love" or "love that dress" illustrate this. God-breathed scripture uses specific words with exacting intent. We must be careful not to be sloppy, vague, and/or biased in our interpretation and translation.
Understanding and interpreting New Testament language and scriptures must harmonize with Old Testament Law. On this point, the translators are inaccurate in their handling of the Greek and Hebrew words related to 'separation' and 'divorce.' Yes, God's original intention for marriage did not include divorce, nor did He intend for sin to damage relationships. However, He did permit it—and in Isaiah 50:1 and Jeremiah 3:8, He admits to using a two-step process when He divorced Israel.
Thus says the LORD, "Where is the certificate of divorce by which I have sent your mother away?" (Isaiah 50:1)
I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce. (Jeremiah 3:8)
Again, these two steps are very important—step one, giving a certificate or writ of divorce, followed by step two, sending her away. With that in mind, we'll revisit some familiar verses and look at the literal interpretation of the words.
"For I hate divorce [send away], says the LORD, the God of Israel..." Malachi 2:16
The Hebrew word in this verse is shalach, which means 'to send.'4 The translators assumed 'sending away' is synonymous with 'divorce', which would be like assuming 'divorce' and 'separation' are synonymous, which they are not!
In Malachi's day, it was cruel to send a woman away without first giving her a writ or certificate of divorce, since she would then not be permitted to remarry. She would be forced to live a life of poverty as a single woman or be guilty of adultery. Because of that cruelty, God hates the husband who 'sends away' his wife without giving her the certificate of divorce. It was this practice that Jesus was rebuking in Matthew's gospel. Marrying someone who was merely 'separated,' i.e., having no 'certificate' confirming divorce, was then and is now adultery.
Now, look at Jesus' words in Matthew, where I have inserted the literal translation of the Greek words. Note where these words are used:
"It was said, 'WHOEVER SENDS HIS WIFE AWAY, LET HIM GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces (sends away) his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced (sent away) woman commits adultery. (Matthew 5:31-32 NASB unless noted)
Why would translators correctly use 'to send away' the first time and then wrongly translate the same word as 'divorce' the last two times? On that basis, these verses should have been translated as follows:
"It was said, 'Whoever separates from his wife must first give her a certificate confirming divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who only separates from his wife, except for her unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries a woman who is only separated commits adultery." (Matthew 5:31-32, my translation).
This translation is now congruent with Moses' law.
Or this translation by the Literal Standard Version:
And it was said that, Whoever may put away his wife, let him give to her a writing of divorce; but I say to you that whoever may put away his wife, except for the matter of whoredom, makes her to commit adultery; and whoever may marry her who has been put away commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32 (LSV).
This translation better adheres to God's two-step process, but misses the issue of whoredom, which warrants stoning, not divorce.
Any woman who is sent away without a certificate of divorce is only separated and not lawfully divorced. Marrying a woman who is only separated is adultery since she is not properly divorced. It is also a fault of the one who sends her away; he "causes her to become an adulteress" if she seeks to remarry to avoid the hardships of poverty.
In the NASB verse, the words 'for the reason of unchastity' represent the Greek word porneia. Other versions translate porneia as fornication, unchastity, lewdness, or immorality. Jesus did not use the word moicheuo here, which is the actual Greek word for adultery, as the only justified reason for divorce. People, in His time, caught in adultery were stoned, not divorced.
I would suggest that porneia represents any action in which you have given your devotion to someone other than your spouse, even if you hold your children in higher regard than your spouse. It could include flirting or engaging in lewd behaviour with someone other than your spouse, and even friendships you are not willing to stop at the request of your spouse.
Since those caught in adultery were stoned, sexual intercourse cannot then be the only justification for divorce. Moses' words, "some indecency," from which she is unwilling to change (adding Jesus' cause) could represent any behaviour violating fidelity as justification for serving a certificate of divorce, followed by separation.
In the following verses from Matthew 19, I've underlined the literal translation of the Greek words:
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to send away his wife for any reason at all?" . . .They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to send away your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever only sends away his wife, except for lewd behaviour, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:3, 7-9)
The Pharisees' question shows that their practice seems to have been reduced to a one-step process of simply sending the wife away, yet they acknowledge the two-step process. Jesus takes them back to what was scriptural—the only reason permitted for divorce was her unwillingness to change her behaviour, which, again, is not adultery because adultery was settled by stoning. As mentioned earlier, porneia refers to unfaithfulness or indecency. Jesus adds that if the man, who is only separated, remarries, he commits adultery.
Paul, too, gives marriage advice, and again, I've added, in brackets, the literal translation of aphiemi:
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not [separate] from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not send away his wife. But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not [send away] her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not [send away] her husband. (1 Corinthians 7:10-13)
Here, he uses the Greek word aphiemi, which means to 'send away.'5 Greek is a very exacting language, unlike English. It has five distinct words for different types of love. English has just love—we love hot dogs, shoes, pets, our sister, spouse, sunshine, etc. For this reason, it is a blatant, inexcusable error to translate aphiemi as divorce.
In other places, aphiemi is translated as 'forgive,' which is another blatant error due to sloppy English translation. In the verses above, Paul writes, "And a man must not (aphiemi) his wife." Try using 'forgive' in that place. (see the article God Cannot Forgive Sin)
For Paul to forbid divorce, as most modern translations read, would be to nullify what God permitted through Moses. That cannot be.
Again, the literal and accurate translation of these verses warns against ending a marriage by separation only, without a certificate confirming the divorce.
While meeting with a couple struggling with marital difficulties, each began listing the other's faults. I stopped them and invited each one to tell me where they failed or missed the mark. I waited three or four minutes in total silence—neither knew what to say. We can only experience forgiveness when we confess our own faults, not when we confess others' faults (often called "the blame game").
We are not taught the root of our marriage difficulties. If we were, we might resolve the difficulties and then experience the joy that God intended for the union.
We would do well to work on changing the only heart we can affect—our own.
Softening our hearts toward our spouse, embracing our God-designed roles, and avoiding expectations will go a long way toward transforming our marriages. Still, when these are not considered, or when aggression, abuse, or hardheartedness is involved, a properly executed divorce is in harmony with Scripture.
Separation is not a divorce; dating a separated individual is dating someone who is married, which is marital unfaithfulness. Divorce without both separation and a certificate of divorce is not considered a divorce. Never confuse what the world, the legal system, or the church allows with what God requires. God does not compromise.
Biblical divorce is permitted for marital unfaithfulness, and Biblical remarriage is permitted when the divorce process is followed correctly—a justified reason and a certificate of divorce and separation. To teach that divorce is permitted only when adultery is confirmed violates Jesus' warning against changing or nullifying Scripture. Adulterers were stoned, not divorced.
Divorce is an emotionally damaging step and should never be taken lightly, especially when children are involved. The damage lasts for generations. God can heal our relationships if we love Him enough to soften our hearts and change our behaviour in accordance with His word. Nothing of our old nature is worth fighting to preserve.
Please ensure that every other option is exhausted before turning to divorce. It is a terrible solution.
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