Marriage: Blessing or Burden

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." ...The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. ...For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:18, 22, 24 NASB unless noted)

Marriage is, to some degree, either a blessing or a malady. Malady is the result of our fall into sin.

How do we tip the scale such that the relationship remains a blessing?

Would it be too simple to suggest that following God's instructions holds the answer?

I have to assume that those who follow Yeshua also highly regard the Word of God, the Bible, recognizing it as the source of truth and treating it as something akin to an owner's manual.

God promises good things when we follow his instructions.

“All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the LORD your God” Deuteronomy 28:2 (NASB unless noted)

“If you obey my commandments, you will remain in my love… I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you, and your joy may be complete.” John 15:10-11 (NET)

Do you think God will give you joy if you do not obey His commandments? Following his instruction is the route to that joy. Joy is our ultimate objective for everything we do—in my opinion. It's the bottom line why we buy things, go on vacation, and enter relationships. If we follow His directives, we achieve joy.

So, what are His directives regarding marriage? There are four, two each for husband and wife.

First, we have these:

The husband is "to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)

Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority. (Ephesians 5:22 GWN)

And there are these:

Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God's life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. (1Peter 3:7 GWN)

God invites the husband to:

* love (agape) his wife even as himself

* honour your wives as a priceless gift

God invites the wife to:

* place herself under her husband's authority

* respect (phobeo) her husband

I used the word "invited" because we have the free will not to do these things (see Martha, Martha). We are "Invited" because if we do, we will find them to be a source of God's joy in us. This will not be easy. These things are asked of us because they go against/expose our fallen nature. Read "The Potter's Right—Our Mark" for insights into this fallen nature.

Notice there are no commands such as "Mothers love your children" since that comes naturally for the most part. However, holding your husband ahead of your children is not natural, even though it is a requirement for experiencing Yeshua's joy and in the children's best interest.

At the outset of the first marriage, God emphasized the principle of leaving or forsaking the parents and clinging to the spouse. Although the verse specifically refers to the husband, the commands to the wife would have the same effect when followed.

Any wife will know in short order if a husband loves himself or the children more than her. She will respond by withdrawing or becoming embittered against him.

Any husband will know when the wife esteems her children or her parents more than him and will withdraw and/or lash out in anger against the competition, be that of her parents or his children.

No one in these situations will experience joy. They will experience loneliness, the condition that marriage was instituted to resolve.

Marriage ought to fulfill our basic needs. For the wife, these are intimacy and protection; for the husband, these are food and sex. When these needs are met, there is joy. When these needs are unmet, who initiates a change by doing these for the other? Doing these for the other is serving. We were created to serve (The Potter's Right—Our Mark).

If one spouse does not do what the Bible asks, the other spouse is not relieved of their obligation to what the Bible requires of them. The spouse who does the Word will experience the joy that Yeshua promised.

All of this is predicated on the foundation of love:

If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. (John 14:15)

Then we will experience the depth of joy God experiences, "My joy will be in you."

©2016, Dr Steven Bydeley, a man.

All publishing rights reserved. Permission is herewith granted to reprint this article for personal use and to link or refer to it; however, no commercial re-publishing of the material in this article is permitted without prior written consent.

Steven is the author of Fathered by God and, with his wife Dianne, co-author of Dream Dreams and Dreams the Heal and Counsel. They have been guests on the Miracle Channel, Trinity Television, and Crossroads Communication, and has taught internationally on various topics.

Without Prejudice. © 2024, Steven., house of bij de Leij., of man.